Dear Yoshimi,

I wish I could say that this was a good idea. 

I wish I could say that, on balance, this is not one of the silliest decisions I’ve ever made.

But it is.

And I don’t care.

I love you.

And your original owner’s are really, really stupid.

First, let me tell our readers the tale:

I had just gotten back from taking Brownie on a walk when my phone rang. Turns out it had rang a few times, but I had missed a couple of calls. It was my mom.

Eli: Yo!

Eli’s Mom: What are you doing? [EDITOR’S NOTE: This is how Eli’s Mom starts every single phone conversation with her son. Even if she’s calling him back after accidentally hanging up her 15 year old cell phone because she still can’t use it]

E: Just got back from walking Brownie. Sup?

EM: We’re over in front of the Salvation Army. There’s a dog here that keeps darting into the street. Can you come get it until we can track down the owner? She’s going to get hit.

E: Stay where you’re at! I’ll be right there!

So off I dashed, promptly forgetting a leash or a collar or anything of the sort. My mom and stepdad were in town for one of those awful festivals Madison has where people are tricked into buying cheap crap at exorbitant prices. This particular example was the first of two Old Court Days. My backyard is, essentially, in the Salvation Army’s parking lot, so I thought I’d just walk around the corner, collect the dog, and sit with it until the owners were found. I get in front of the Salvation Army. No mom. No stepdad. No dog. Lolz, whut?

They were across the street, in front of the courthouse. My mom said she was in front of the Salvation Army because she was looking at it when she was talking to me.

My whole life it’s been like this.

So I cross the street and see this beautiful white dog, calmly letting my stepdad’s niece (who was with them) hold her and prevent her from being squished in the street. We were discussing options when my stepdad said something that would come back to haunt me:

Eli’s Stepdad: When you didn’t answer the phone we thought about just putting her in your yard so when you got home there’d be an extra dog just to see what you’d do.

I laughed. Why wouldn’t I? It was a funny enough idea.

Shortly after a young woman walked up who knew this white dog, said her sister was neighbors with her owner, and would take care of things.

GREAT! I hugged my mom and stepdad, walked home, enjoyed a glass of iced tea in the backyard. Forgetting completely about the white dog.

Two weeks go by. My wife gets a call at work from our neighbor.

Eli’s Neighbor: Eli’s Wife! One of your dogs is trying to squeeze through the bars of the fence and I think it’s stuck!

Eli’s Wife: What?! ZOMG!

And so my wife races home, convinced I’ve accidentally forgotten to put Jinx back inside after letting her out in the morning. When she gets home she discovers this beautiful white dog.

Yes. The same dog.

Seems that someone was intent on abandoning this dog and instead of letting her run wild at a festival assuming someone would just pick her up, they went ahead and put her in the back yard of the people who are relatively famous in the area for their fanatical care of pets.

So we tried to find the owner. Called all the vets and the pound to see if anyone was missing a dog. Eventually got a name and tracked the guy down. Wanting to see if he was worthy of the dog, though, we did our research. Saw some pics on Facebook of him and the dog. Noticed that he didn’t mention anything about her being missing.

Hmmm…

We created a fake account, threw together a generic name and used the first (SFW) result of a Google Image Search on Madison Indiana Girl, and messaged him.

He saw the message.

Then ignored it completely.

Okay, NO DOG FOR YOU!

And so now this dog has a new forever home.

My wife wanted to name her Luna, but I’m not a 14 year old girl in love with a sparkly vampire so I thought that was stupid.

We settled on Yoshimi, Yoshi for short. And, for those of you that catch the reference, she does indeed have a black belt in karate. For those of you that don’t have good taste in music just look up Yoshimi and listen to the first song that pops up. Even if it is somehow not the one I’m referring to, you’ll probably still be amused. Or not. I can’t be held responsible for your weird Google searches.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my esteemed privilege to introduce to you the next dog in my house that is too small for all these damn dogs: Yoshimi (Yoshi)!

Image we used to try to get her original owner to come claim her.

She got to work immediately.

Brownie was quite pleased to get a new napping partner.

These two are, for rills, BFFs and sisters. I am shocked at how quickly they bonded. Non-stop wrasslin’ from day one.

Random pic of Zackie because he’s somehow still alive. 20 years, 4 months.

Picture we sent to my dad for his first Father’s Day from the new grandpup.

The pack, ready for their walks now, please. Right now, please. Walk. Please.

This picture just breaks my cold, dead heart into a thousand pieces.

You guys. She is the sweetest, most mild mannered dog I’ve ever met. She’s as loving as Lambeau ever was, rambunctious like Jinx, and loves to take walks and pee on new things like Brownie. And don’t even get me started on how soft she is.

I am head over heels in love with this sweet little girl.

Welcome home, Yoshi.

Love,

Elijah